søndag den 9. december 2012
Hit the ground running
When you become a mother you seriously hit the ground running, you can read oh so many books, go to parenting class, birth preparation, first aid-classes and so on but there is nothing that can prepare you for the change a child has on your life. The lack of sleep is something your body will adjust to, the countless hours walking with the little one on your arm, the uneasy sleep in the rocking chair (but still sleep) and still we manage. Maybe not to the perfect grade that our parents think they could manage in same situation but we manage. True, the children doesn't always have clothes that match, there might be jam on the trousers and a bit of yoghurt in the hair but the child is thriving, happy, full and with a relative clean diaper. Everyone thinks they can do it muuuuuch better but no one can, once you're a parent you are everything to your child, they do not see it as neglect that you serve them frosted flakes for dinner or that the livingroom needs a serious amount of cleaning - there simply is no time. As long as there is time for the child, to be held, to be hugged and to be kissed. It's important, they know it and you know it. Perfection is something that comes later or from day one if you can see that the perfection is your wonderful little bundle of joy - everything else is obsolete.
Running with scissors
In life, your parents have taught you to be careful, to sit and eat without making too much of a mess, to dress yourself, to be kind and polite and all the other basics of life but have your ever wondered about the process? How much work went into teaching you to hold your fork right? Which shoe goes on which foot? For every day I spend as a parents I become more and more grateful for my mother and for the enormous work she put into raising me. True that it takes a village to raise a child but I certainly do not see the mayor coming by to help change diapers, or the merchant cleaning spilled milk off my kitchenfloor or the town idiot wrestling my toddler into his jammies. And while teaching all the basics you also have to remember the safety-dance. Fire is hot, fingers stuck in the door hurts, the toilet is not a source of water and so on. It's a constant race to keep up with them, what will they think of now? and more importantly, how do I prevent it and stay 2 steps ahead of them? Needless to say, my son is always covered in bruises, sometimes I suspect people of thinking that I beat him, I promise, I don't - there is no need to, he is perfectly capable of causing injury to himself.
When he climbs onto the officechair and from there tries to get onto the computer-table I fear the chair is gonna slip from under him and often it does, I brace myself for the fall and cross my fingers, hoping that this time he'll learn but does he? It hasn't happened yet.
When he slams the door on his fingers I comfort him and ask him if that hurt and please not to do it again, I turn my back and he goes over and does it again. Sometimes I wonder if one of the many falls he's taken has caused permanent damage.
Life brings you scars, bumps and bruises and our parents did one hell of a job raising us and now it's our turn, I'm sure all my children will survive, more or less intact and when it's their turn I will rest on my laurels, offer advice when asked and just ENJOY that: "Been there, done that!"
When he climbs onto the officechair and from there tries to get onto the computer-table I fear the chair is gonna slip from under him and often it does, I brace myself for the fall and cross my fingers, hoping that this time he'll learn but does he? It hasn't happened yet.
When he slams the door on his fingers I comfort him and ask him if that hurt and please not to do it again, I turn my back and he goes over and does it again. Sometimes I wonder if one of the many falls he's taken has caused permanent damage.
Life brings you scars, bumps and bruises and our parents did one hell of a job raising us and now it's our turn, I'm sure all my children will survive, more or less intact and when it's their turn I will rest on my laurels, offer advice when asked and just ENJOY that: "Been there, done that!"
I love you dad
This is from an article written by a child-nurse in a new letter for new parents. I love how she describes the whole father/dad-role. It is truly underrated and I think all fathers should read this and hopefully learn just how precious and valuable they are to the upbringing of a child.
The other day a father told
me: ”It’s weird becoming a father – often I feel more like a handy man than a
dad” It’s a bit worrying and actually a shame… because obviously, as a father,
you’re more than just a ‘handy man’. You mean a lot to your child from the very
beginning – even though your child is too young to tell you. That’s why I’ve
written down my 10 suggestions to what your child would tell you if it could.
1) I love your deep voice
When you talk to me I get
calm. I know your voice from when I was 22 weeks old and in mum’s belly – when
you speak I hear it clearly- Your voice reaches my ears and effect me because
it’s deeper than other voices I hear. When I am really upset I calm down as I
hear your deep there-there or schyss-schyss
2) I love the sound of your
heartbeat.
When I lie on your chest, I
feel completely safe. It reminds me of the time I spend in the uterus, where I
could hear the heartbeat, feel the breathing and also the heat from your body.
I enjoy lying with you, it makes me feel safe. The more we’re together – physically
close together – the more you hold me, carry me close, the better it is.
3
3) I love your beard.
When I am 5 to 6 weeks old, I
start to differ more between contrast and colour and I get fascinated by
contrasts and shades. When I look at your face it’s particular exciting to look
at your beard because it creates a contrast to your skin, like your hair and
forehead often catch my eye. I love it when you hold me so I can look at your
face and study it for a long time.
It’s difficult for me to
figure out what my need is. Sometimes I think I need to eat all the time but
actually I have loads of milk in my belly and I need help calming down instead.
When I lie with you I do not get confused by the smell of milk. That’s why I
sleep better by you, I stop crying, calm down and falls asleep because you do
not smell like milk.
When you hold me in your hands
and when I’m in your arms, I can feel your bodystructure, your bigger muscels and
your wider, bigger hands. It makes me feel safe and gives me a feeling that
you’re able to handle me. I’m not scared that you’re going to drop me, on the
contrary, it gives me the feeling that I am completely safe with you and that
you take care of me.
6) I love reflecting myself in
you
I love watching you and what
you do. When you stick your tongue out, I try and do the same, when you wink at
me or say funny sounds, I try to copy that. There is something truly
fascinating about the faces you pull and I love watching you.
7) I love that you let me try
I love that you’re there when
it’s time to explore the world and when I am testing myself. It’s not often
that you say: “Be careful!”, instead we explore the world together and you
often focus on what’s new, fun and exciting.
8) I love that you’re fun
You’re so fun to play with. You’re
always trouble and when you tease me, it’s always with love and a gleam in your
eyes. I really like when you swing me around, dance with me in the livingroom
or turn me upside down. The best thing is when you tickle me with your fingers,
from the tip of my toes, up the legs, over the belly and under my chin. I flex
my body from the excitement and it’s fun every single time.
Sometimes I can cause you
parents to worry, sometimes I cry and I’m having difficulty stopping, sometimes
I’m tired, sometimes my tummy hurts and sometimes I’m just sad and neither you
nor I know why. And I love that you, in these situations, keep your calm. You continuously
say “it’s going to be all right” and you walk around with me, sing to me and
you continue and continue and continue – calm and comforting – and finally I
also calm down.
I love you because I can feel
that you love me . I love that you’re apart of the care-taking, that you are
there for me and that I have you. I love you more and more every time you talk
to me, look at me, listen to me and respond to me. The more you hug me, caress
me, hold me and is there for me. I love you more and more for every day that
passes where we’re spending time together.
An old word of wisdom:
When you’re 5 years old, you
think your dad knows everything
When you’re 10 years old you
think your dad knows a lot
When you’re 15 years old you
think you know as much as your dad
When you’re 20 years old your
dad doesn’t understand much
When you’re 30 years old you
think that maybe you should ask your dad
When you’re 40 years old you
think your dad is a bit reasonable
When you’re 50 years old you
dad knows everything
When you’re 60 years old you
wish your dad was there so you could ask him.
onsdag den 26. september 2012
The witching hour
In Denmark also called; the wolf-hour
It's the time from when you pick up the children from daycare/school etc and until you can put (throw) them in bed. I have received a lot of advice from magazines and family members but people tend to forget that each child is different and now that the terrible twos are entering our little household I swear we need a meddler to stand in the line of fire. A personal thing I discovered yesterday was that because I have a cold and I was getting really tired, there had been no nap, I found that my fuse was shorter than normal and that just made things even worse. I think that parents often forget that the children are feeling just like, if not worse, than the grown ups. They are tired, a bit icky, hungry and having no chores they must force themselves occupied with, they are in limbus. A semi-dark place filled with nothing and a slight fog clogging the brain - kinda a hopeless situation and you feel alone. No wonder your kids are hanging on your trouserleg, whining and unable to tell you what they need because they do not know. Imagine if you got home, tired, hungry and icky and just had to wait...
It's the time from when you pick up the children from daycare/school etc and until you can put (throw) them in bed. I have received a lot of advice from magazines and family members but people tend to forget that each child is different and now that the terrible twos are entering our little household I swear we need a meddler to stand in the line of fire. A personal thing I discovered yesterday was that because I have a cold and I was getting really tired, there had been no nap, I found that my fuse was shorter than normal and that just made things even worse. I think that parents often forget that the children are feeling just like, if not worse, than the grown ups. They are tired, a bit icky, hungry and having no chores they must force themselves occupied with, they are in limbus. A semi-dark place filled with nothing and a slight fog clogging the brain - kinda a hopeless situation and you feel alone. No wonder your kids are hanging on your trouserleg, whining and unable to tell you what they need because they do not know. Imagine if you got home, tired, hungry and icky and just had to wait...
torsdag den 20. september 2012
Male logic
I am not one to complain.. ok - sometimes but seriously, male logic makes not sense to me, I know that men suffer from our way of seeing things but they are not too normal themselves.
Examples:
When asking Steve to take the kids to the playground his reasons for not doing it is that Kate doesn't want to leave when it comes to that and Quinten eats sand...
I have argued against the by saying that if we'd take them more often Kate would know that we would come back, maybe even tomorrow, and it's not an annual thing and about Quinten and the sand, well, it comes out again and it might even clean a bit on the way :P
When Quinten doesn't want to go back to sleep in the middle of the night Steve fumes about the boy being difficult, I insist that he check him, like does the diaper needs a change, is the boy running a fever and so on and the man stubbornly insists that none of those things can disturb ones sleep...
Bread - to leave it in the paperbag from the baker will cause it to go dry quickly, not according to the hubby but when proven wrong he denies making that statement along with a comment about Danish bread and bakers....
I want a kitchenaid, to make baking easier, Steve argues that I do not bake enough to have one, it would just stand around collecting dust, I argue that I would bake more if I had my hands free instead of holding the hand-mixer (which sound freaks Quinten out meaning I have to hold him) He still sticks to his statement: it would be a waste... ergo: I do not have a kitchenaid.
I can update this one: my mother brought me a kitchen-aid and Steve now claims I have an easy life because it does all the work for me... oh yes, but off course... :/
More updates to come
Examples:
When asking Steve to take the kids to the playground his reasons for not doing it is that Kate doesn't want to leave when it comes to that and Quinten eats sand...
I have argued against the by saying that if we'd take them more often Kate would know that we would come back, maybe even tomorrow, and it's not an annual thing and about Quinten and the sand, well, it comes out again and it might even clean a bit on the way :P
When Quinten doesn't want to go back to sleep in the middle of the night Steve fumes about the boy being difficult, I insist that he check him, like does the diaper needs a change, is the boy running a fever and so on and the man stubbornly insists that none of those things can disturb ones sleep...
Bread - to leave it in the paperbag from the baker will cause it to go dry quickly, not according to the hubby but when proven wrong he denies making that statement along with a comment about Danish bread and bakers....
I want a kitchenaid, to make baking easier, Steve argues that I do not bake enough to have one, it would just stand around collecting dust, I argue that I would bake more if I had my hands free instead of holding the hand-mixer (which sound freaks Quinten out meaning I have to hold him) He still sticks to his statement: it would be a waste... ergo: I do not have a kitchenaid.
I can update this one: my mother brought me a kitchen-aid and Steve now claims I have an easy life because it does all the work for me... oh yes, but off course... :/
More updates to come
søndag den 5. august 2012
2½+1+1=??
First there was 1½, then I entered the family, then came Quinten and now Lily. We're 4½ people in this family, in a 2 bedroom apartment and making it work is exciting - not always good exciting but never the less. When Kate turns 4 this November we've lived here 2/3 of the time on the lease and we cannot wait to get out of here, as much as I love Mortsel I hate the traffic and I hate the neighbours, Steve probably hates the traffic more than me but then again, he gets stuck in it every single day he has to go to work - poor guy!
We have Kate every second weekend and to be honest, I don't always think it's enough, Quinten loves his sister and she loves being here, not sure she always loves him but that's children right?
I love all my children and I consider Kate mine as well - to a certain extend. I enjoy that sometimes I can 'hand over' the responsibility of her to her father and throw my hands in the air with a "Fine! Be that way!" Simply cannot do that with neither of the other two, I am the problem-solver when it comes to them and the safety net.
We are, at best, harmonic and at worst.... don't get me started. Steve and I do not agree on the rules, he says I'm too strict and I say he's too soft. Maybe because I expect so much from Kate, because I do not know what she can and cannot and so little of Quinten because I know exactly what he can and can't. Steve sees Quinten as a mini Kate and gets frustrated when he does not understand or does as told, he sees Kate as his little girl and I think that it often scares him when she grows up and develops as quickly as she does. Not having her on a daily basis is frustrating for him I believe, he misses out on so much and being a man, his eye is not for the details but for the whole picture. I see the details, I see every little thing. I think it's because I'm a mother :P A mother of 2½
We have Kate every second weekend and to be honest, I don't always think it's enough, Quinten loves his sister and she loves being here, not sure she always loves him but that's children right?
I love all my children and I consider Kate mine as well - to a certain extend. I enjoy that sometimes I can 'hand over' the responsibility of her to her father and throw my hands in the air with a "Fine! Be that way!" Simply cannot do that with neither of the other two, I am the problem-solver when it comes to them and the safety net.
We are, at best, harmonic and at worst.... don't get me started. Steve and I do not agree on the rules, he says I'm too strict and I say he's too soft. Maybe because I expect so much from Kate, because I do not know what she can and cannot and so little of Quinten because I know exactly what he can and can't. Steve sees Quinten as a mini Kate and gets frustrated when he does not understand or does as told, he sees Kate as his little girl and I think that it often scares him when she grows up and develops as quickly as she does. Not having her on a daily basis is frustrating for him I believe, he misses out on so much and being a man, his eye is not for the details but for the whole picture. I see the details, I see every little thing. I think it's because I'm a mother :P A mother of 2½
The info I didn't get...
When you become a mother things change, well, everything changes. A whole night sleep is not something you can look forward to for a good few years but I think I recall someone who mentioned that - thought they were exaggerating but no... they weren't...
Completely forgetting about yourself, a shower is something you are okay with once a week, make up is overrated and your hair lives it's own life... no wonder new mothers and mothers in general look worn and tired because they are! Extra time, if any, gets prioritized for sleeping, cleaning and preparing for next rush-hour. When your mother calls for a chat you rush into the kitchen so you can have a cigarrette in peace while you do the dishes or sanitise the bottles. Sitting down with a cup of (warm) coffee is someting you dream about but also know is not going to happen until the children either move out or at least know how to go get some food themselves. Then there are other things to worry about, laundry "where's my favourite shirt" and which one is it this week? "The dog ate my homework" We do not have a dog "Mom, can you drive me to the mall/Melinda's place/to school (because it's raining/I'm tired/I cannot find my bike/buspass etc) !" and the list goes on.
Being a mother is an ungrateful and highly underpaid job and until your own children have children of their own they to not apreciate the work you've done for them, until they move out from their childhood home they do not understand the work laundry is, dishes, grocery shopping and don't even get me started on meal planning because let's face it, how much planning is dinner for one?
Todlers or teenagers, it's the same amount of work, diapers for fights over curfew/new phone/haircut and so on, scrapes, bumps and bruises for lying sleepless because they're out all night, sleepless nights with a sick child for broken hearts and hangovers.
A mothers job is never done and you never stop being a mother.
Completely forgetting about yourself, a shower is something you are okay with once a week, make up is overrated and your hair lives it's own life... no wonder new mothers and mothers in general look worn and tired because they are! Extra time, if any, gets prioritized for sleeping, cleaning and preparing for next rush-hour. When your mother calls for a chat you rush into the kitchen so you can have a cigarrette in peace while you do the dishes or sanitise the bottles. Sitting down with a cup of (warm) coffee is someting you dream about but also know is not going to happen until the children either move out or at least know how to go get some food themselves. Then there are other things to worry about, laundry "where's my favourite shirt" and which one is it this week? "The dog ate my homework" We do not have a dog "Mom, can you drive me to the mall/Melinda's place/to school (because it's raining/I'm tired/I cannot find my bike/buspass etc) !" and the list goes on.
Being a mother is an ungrateful and highly underpaid job and until your own children have children of their own they to not apreciate the work you've done for them, until they move out from their childhood home they do not understand the work laundry is, dishes, grocery shopping and don't even get me started on meal planning because let's face it, how much planning is dinner for one?
Todlers or teenagers, it's the same amount of work, diapers for fights over curfew/new phone/haircut and so on, scrapes, bumps and bruises for lying sleepless because they're out all night, sleepless nights with a sick child for broken hearts and hangovers.
A mothers job is never done and you never stop being a mother.
mandag den 18. juni 2012
After switching Q onto a different formula, this one in tins, I found myself throwing a lot of this decent sized tins in the recycling bin and with the rubber lid it came with I found the link between always lacking boxes for storage of bits and bobs and these nifty up-cycleable tins.
This tin became a holder for all Kate's crayons....
And this one for the coffee pads
I used acrylic paint, first a coarse white as a base (normally I would have sanded it a bit with a fine grained piece of sandpaper to get the paint to stick better but the basecoat was enough) I then just coloured away and finished it off with a shiny topcoat, also the bottom even though not painted but I didn't want to risk it rusting or something knowing that it would be exposed to water and other liquids.
This tin became a holder for all Kate's crayons....
I used acrylic paint, first a coarse white as a base (normally I would have sanded it a bit with a fine grained piece of sandpaper to get the paint to stick better but the basecoat was enough) I then just coloured away and finished it off with a shiny topcoat, also the bottom even though not painted but I didn't want to risk it rusting or something knowing that it would be exposed to water and other liquids.
onsdag den 4. april 2012
Upcycling - Kate's room
When Kate turned 3 her grandmother bought her a new bed and with me as a 'consultant' in the process of choosing we settled on a lovely white, French country style bed from Ikea which can be pulled out to a double bed, has storage underneath and when I'm turning her bedroom into a teenage bedroom, it was double as a couch. Grandmother would liked to have bought a junior bed, pink and shaped like a carriage, which would also have been lovely but let's face it, we only have her every 2nd weekend and 2-4 weeks of vacation a year, she will not be able to use that bed enough before she's grown out of it and finds it childish. Here should also be mentioned that when she has trouble sleeping it's easy to pull it out to a double and Steve lie with her until she's calm and/or sleeping.
Now for her 3 year old birthday I decided to make her room a real girl's room, to make it more like home and less like somewhere she only stays ever so often - making it more like home. I spend little money decorating it because I had a lot of paintings I did myself and the rest we had from random purchases. I would like to say that one of my more brilliant ideas was to buy decoration flags normally used for parties and I hung them from the ceiling.
The butterflies on the wall was something bought by my mother years ago which I never got to use and I love hos they break up the white of the wall.
The flags hanging from the ceiling cost me 3 Euroes
The plastic lei's (Hawai'an flowerbeeds) are from a beach party years back which I was going to use for a painting but never got around to.
The lovely bed is from Ikea
Her wardrobe was a hand-me-down from her grandmother and looked, well to be honest, boring so I painted it. Using acrylic paint I did a Hello Kitty which she loves and a part magical-forest inspired motive
It took me a few days to paint it all but I am happy with the result.
All in all I'm happy with the result of her room, she loves it, it's very pink and girly and after doing this one I cannot wait to make the same for Quinten when we move to a place where he can get his own room and when his little sister arrives and is ready for her own room, she gets the same.
Now for her 3 year old birthday I decided to make her room a real girl's room, to make it more like home and less like somewhere she only stays ever so often - making it more like home. I spend little money decorating it because I had a lot of paintings I did myself and the rest we had from random purchases. I would like to say that one of my more brilliant ideas was to buy decoration flags normally used for parties and I hung them from the ceiling.
The butterflies on the wall was something bought by my mother years ago which I never got to use and I love hos they break up the white of the wall.
The flags hanging from the ceiling cost me 3 Euroes
The plastic lei's (Hawai'an flowerbeeds) are from a beach party years back which I was going to use for a painting but never got around to.
The lovely bed is from Ikea
Her wardrobe was a hand-me-down from her grandmother and looked, well to be honest, boring so I painted it. Using acrylic paint I did a Hello Kitty which she loves and a part magical-forest inspired motive
It took me a few days to paint it all but I am happy with the result.
All in all I'm happy with the result of her room, she loves it, it's very pink and girly and after doing this one I cannot wait to make the same for Quinten when we move to a place where he can get his own room and when his little sister arrives and is ready for her own room, she gets the same.
tirsdag den 3. april 2012
Upcycling - the dining room set
A new trend and something that has caught my mother is upcycling - just a fancy way of saying: smarten up your old stuff and/or giving used items a new purpose. So that means anything from repolstering your old chairs to using old conserves tins as pencilholders. In a consumer, use and throw out, society and with the growing piles of waste land I think it's a good idea - not to mention the financial crises helps in seeing new purposes of old things.
When Steve and I moved into our first and present apartment we didn't have couches or a dining table so we got his grandmother's old sets and let's face it, she's halfway through her 70's and modern is not in her genes - personally I don't really care, I go by the saying: "Beggers can't be choosers" Our budget was tight and it beats sitting on the floor. Now at the local marked I found some nice furniture fabric so I repolstered the chairs and made a table cloth to match, had I had more time and money, I would have painted the wood as well but polstering did a remarkable difference.
The chair before
The whole set before
The chair after
The whole set after
It's still an old dining room set but I think it's brightened up a bit and the reason why I made the table cloth like that is that I have children and with the ruffled edges, the little one can hold onto it for support without pulling it off the table (and everything with it) He has one time almost pulled it off but he was also hanging from it with his entire body weight (all 10 kg/22 lbs) but it still stayed on long enough for me to get a hold of him and pull him away.
When Steve and I moved into our first and present apartment we didn't have couches or a dining table so we got his grandmother's old sets and let's face it, she's halfway through her 70's and modern is not in her genes - personally I don't really care, I go by the saying: "Beggers can't be choosers" Our budget was tight and it beats sitting on the floor. Now at the local marked I found some nice furniture fabric so I repolstered the chairs and made a table cloth to match, had I had more time and money, I would have painted the wood as well but polstering did a remarkable difference.
It's still an old dining room set but I think it's brightened up a bit and the reason why I made the table cloth like that is that I have children and with the ruffled edges, the little one can hold onto it for support without pulling it off the table (and everything with it) He has one time almost pulled it off but he was also hanging from it with his entire body weight (all 10 kg/22 lbs) but it still stayed on long enough for me to get a hold of him and pull him away.
søndag den 18. marts 2012
The mummy-mafia: advice
To prepare for a child, a new life entering your life, is as easy as teaching a goldfish to use a bicycle. I found myself reading book and articles and everything I could get my hands on due to the fact that my mother would be far away and I only had few friends who had children and as they all said: "Each child is different" followed by "Parenting is learning by doing!" Still one tries to have everything ready, pack the bag around the 7 months and remember everything (bloody hard when you're just told that the hospital has everything and the father to be is clueless) I still packed all the wrong things though - wrong size of baby clothes, forgot half my toiletries and the tops I thought I could breastfeed in - no good. A Swedish friend of mine told me "No matter how hard you try and how much you think things though - you'll never be prepared for everything" She was right :P
My mother send me on the way towards motherhood with the advice: "Just make sure the baby is dry in one end and wet in the other" One of the best advice given to me and quite simple, you do not need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out which end should be what. My grandmother told me: "When the baby sleeps - you sleep"
So in total: take things as they come, get sleep when you can, try and don't give up and don't despair. And they were right, all of them - well, with the exception of the family members who insisted that I let him cry (as mentioned in other posts - it's not an option for me)
And as we're expecting another one for this summer I can say with pride that I am as little prepared as the first time, I am still clueless on what to do and have no idea how to make everything work but thank the higher powers: it's doesn't matter - everything is going to be just fine.
My mother send me on the way towards motherhood with the advice: "Just make sure the baby is dry in one end and wet in the other" One of the best advice given to me and quite simple, you do not need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out which end should be what. My grandmother told me: "When the baby sleeps - you sleep"
So in total: take things as they come, get sleep when you can, try and don't give up and don't despair. And they were right, all of them - well, with the exception of the family members who insisted that I let him cry (as mentioned in other posts - it's not an option for me)
And as we're expecting another one for this summer I can say with pride that I am as little prepared as the first time, I am still clueless on what to do and have no idea how to make everything work but thank the higher powers: it's doesn't matter - everything is going to be just fine.
mandag den 12. marts 2012
The mummy-mafia: judgement
On the board of expecting mothers and mothers for toddlers and babies the discussion often occurs: pain-free birth or natural and my current due-group is no exception. I salute the women who give birth naturally but it's not something I would want to try, with Quinten I was in labour for 21 hours, he got stuck and was taken by suction-cup .... so no thanks - I'll take anything they have to offer and you know what, I do not feel one bit like a bad mother or less of a woman for it. Sure some think you miss out of the huge rush of feeling the baby come out but it's not something I have to say I craved after being awake for over 30 hours.
Now comes to the breastfeeding, a mafia of itself. I do understand why it's important for the child to get the first milk and for the bond and closeness to the mother but honestly, if formula was so bad for the baby it would be on prescription. Quinten is not damaged (as far as I can see) nor is he unable to bond with me (he's a friggin velcro-baby) And to be honest, apart from getting rid of the pain of breastfeeding, it was nice to be able to let papa take a feeding shift so I could get some much needed sleep.
On the topic of food we enter a whole world of 'do's and 'don't's and no matter how many people you ask, they always know better and what you're doing is not completely right. Funny thing is: most children survive their parent's choice of food for them.
"Just let him cry" It was an advice that, in the end of the colic period, was enough to make me plot murder and it's still given to me when Q wakes up crying during the night. My baby-nurse is sure that he would just go back to sleep. Yeah right! The problem is, for me, that I do not believe that babies and children are evil plotters who try and rob their parents (mothers) of sleep and energy. When a child cries there is a reason for it, hunger, being tired, needing a hug and so on... all of which I think are important to provide for your child. True, at some point, I am sure a child cries just because they have no idea what else to do, they are bored or just confused about it all but then isn't it the parent's job to help them figure things out? And a hug never hurt anyone :P
Now comes to the breastfeeding, a mafia of itself. I do understand why it's important for the child to get the first milk and for the bond and closeness to the mother but honestly, if formula was so bad for the baby it would be on prescription. Quinten is not damaged (as far as I can see) nor is he unable to bond with me (he's a friggin velcro-baby) And to be honest, apart from getting rid of the pain of breastfeeding, it was nice to be able to let papa take a feeding shift so I could get some much needed sleep.
On the topic of food we enter a whole world of 'do's and 'don't's and no matter how many people you ask, they always know better and what you're doing is not completely right. Funny thing is: most children survive their parent's choice of food for them.
"Just let him cry" It was an advice that, in the end of the colic period, was enough to make me plot murder and it's still given to me when Q wakes up crying during the night. My baby-nurse is sure that he would just go back to sleep. Yeah right! The problem is, for me, that I do not believe that babies and children are evil plotters who try and rob their parents (mothers) of sleep and energy. When a child cries there is a reason for it, hunger, being tired, needing a hug and so on... all of which I think are important to provide for your child. True, at some point, I am sure a child cries just because they have no idea what else to do, they are bored or just confused about it all but then isn't it the parent's job to help them figure things out? And a hug never hurt anyone :P
tirsdag den 7. februar 2012
You know you're in Belgium when....
A Danish friend of mine reported that one day he was taking the bus, the busdriver suddenly stopped, turned to look at his passengers and asked if they knew which road he had to take.... I kid you not! That has never happened to me (or not yet) I have given directions to the cabdriver on more than one occasion back home in Denmark but then again, my parents live in a maze of villas.
In Belgium everything gets served with fries, then again, why shouldn't it - they invented the grease soaked little buggers. And mayonnaise.... I don't mind, I actually like the combination but sometimes I miss a good baked potato or rosti's or just plain old boiled taters.
Everything is in at least two languages, French and Dutch and that includes the subtitles on the movies in the cinema, quite confusing to hear the language spoken in English and then rush your eyes to the subtitles and get confused twice followed by missing the next 30 seconds of the movie, having to read more subtitles so get what just happened but not understand it fully.... No need to say, I hardly go to the cinema, I'd rather stay home and read a book where I can turn the page back again if I didn't get it the first time.
Everyone is eager to help you with your language skills (or lack of) and will repeat a word multiple times to get the pronunciation right.... that's very sweet but sometimes my tongue just doesn't turn that way and that word becomes impossible.... much to their amusement. They do not laugh in your face, no they are rather polite people but they give you a knowing smile and a small suppressed chuckle - Dutch is NOT impossible to learn - just bloody hard!
When you around the 6th of December stumble across a thing called Sinter Klaes, when Santa comes by boat from Spain with minions (all painted black as the night) leaving candy and cookies in your shoe and instead of putting out milk and cookies or ricepudding as we do in Denmark, you leave a cube of sugar or a carrot for the white horse the Sint is riding on... oh yes, and all children who are bad, gets put in the sack and taken back to Spain. Of course the children also gets presents on Christmas but also on New Years....
When you have a discussion with your grandmother, trying to explain to her again where you live, that Holland and Belgium is not the same country, they are neighbouring countries and they have the same national language but both have their own government and different monarchs.
They use Azerty keyboards instead of Qwerty (which the rest of the world uses) It's only a few keys difference but dang it makes typing difficult.
I think I could continue for quite a while
In Belgium everything gets served with fries, then again, why shouldn't it - they invented the grease soaked little buggers. And mayonnaise.... I don't mind, I actually like the combination but sometimes I miss a good baked potato or rosti's or just plain old boiled taters.
Everything is in at least two languages, French and Dutch and that includes the subtitles on the movies in the cinema, quite confusing to hear the language spoken in English and then rush your eyes to the subtitles and get confused twice followed by missing the next 30 seconds of the movie, having to read more subtitles so get what just happened but not understand it fully.... No need to say, I hardly go to the cinema, I'd rather stay home and read a book where I can turn the page back again if I didn't get it the first time.
Everyone is eager to help you with your language skills (or lack of) and will repeat a word multiple times to get the pronunciation right.... that's very sweet but sometimes my tongue just doesn't turn that way and that word becomes impossible.... much to their amusement. They do not laugh in your face, no they are rather polite people but they give you a knowing smile and a small suppressed chuckle - Dutch is NOT impossible to learn - just bloody hard!
When you around the 6th of December stumble across a thing called Sinter Klaes, when Santa comes by boat from Spain with minions (all painted black as the night) leaving candy and cookies in your shoe and instead of putting out milk and cookies or ricepudding as we do in Denmark, you leave a cube of sugar or a carrot for the white horse the Sint is riding on... oh yes, and all children who are bad, gets put in the sack and taken back to Spain. Of course the children also gets presents on Christmas but also on New Years....
When you have a discussion with your grandmother, trying to explain to her again where you live, that Holland and Belgium is not the same country, they are neighbouring countries and they have the same national language but both have their own government and different monarchs.
They use Azerty keyboards instead of Qwerty (which the rest of the world uses) It's only a few keys difference but dang it makes typing difficult.
I think I could continue for quite a while
tirsdag den 31. januar 2012
I do not understand children...
Children are weird creatures if you ask me, they start out helpless, then grow and become more and more self-sufficient but if abilities fail, they are back at square one - or so it seems. My gorgeous bonus-daughter pinches the babypowder out of the changing bag and emptied it into her bed... why? She didn't know and I didn't know... the bed smells nicely but the sheets needs a wash (even though newly washed)
She was playing with the toilet brush, 'cleaning' the toilet and causing a small flooding of the toilet-room, why? She didn't know and I still don't know... I guess it was because it was fun, well, more fun playing (her) than having to clean up (me)
My son is happily playing in his pen but as soon as he sees me, he falls over, tumbles and doesn't like his toys anymore, stretches his arms out for me to come pick him up, why? He's too young to explain why the sight of me reminded him that he was alone and neglected.
And then there is the fight against Morpheus, always! every night! every day (unless we're out walking) He's so tired he cannot focus and his head keeps dropping, eyes are constantly being rubbed but no, we do not give up! We're stronger than him and we'll go down kicking and screaming - literally! It's funny to watch though, annoying to listen to and horrible dealing with but one day, we hope he's going to be like his sister who is a blessing (mostly!) when it comes to bedtime.
In general children are lovely, difficult, charming and pains and one day, when they have children they will understand what we went though with them.... just like we now understand what our parents went through with us.... is it called Circle of Life?
She was playing with the toilet brush, 'cleaning' the toilet and causing a small flooding of the toilet-room, why? She didn't know and I still don't know... I guess it was because it was fun, well, more fun playing (her) than having to clean up (me)
My son is happily playing in his pen but as soon as he sees me, he falls over, tumbles and doesn't like his toys anymore, stretches his arms out for me to come pick him up, why? He's too young to explain why the sight of me reminded him that he was alone and neglected.
And then there is the fight against Morpheus, always! every night! every day (unless we're out walking) He's so tired he cannot focus and his head keeps dropping, eyes are constantly being rubbed but no, we do not give up! We're stronger than him and we'll go down kicking and screaming - literally! It's funny to watch though, annoying to listen to and horrible dealing with but one day, we hope he's going to be like his sister who is a blessing (mostly!) when it comes to bedtime.
In general children are lovely, difficult, charming and pains and one day, when they have children they will understand what we went though with them.... just like we now understand what our parents went through with us.... is it called Circle of Life?
fredag den 27. januar 2012
10 reasons Steve shouldn't marry me
None of us are perfect and I do believe that if either one or both were, we wouldn't be together :P
1) I do not wash his dirty clothes if they are not in the hamper...
2) Dinner is only cooked and ready for him when he gets home if I'm bothered (and have time of course)
3) I ridicule him, at home, in public, in front of his family and as often as I can
4) I don't feel bad if the baby and I take up all the space in the bad so he's left to sleep in Kate's room or on the couch
5) I am teaching our son to say 'Papa' so he will call for him at night and not me = more sleep for me!
6) I punch him at night when he snores and kicks him in the morning to get him out of bed
7) I have no problem in shrugging my shoulder when he mentions something that needs doing and replying: "Well, I haven't had the time..."
8) I tell him openly if I have a problem with him, his friend, his family but gets really defensive if he says something less than positive and praising about mine
9) Even though we're not married he hears "I am your wife - I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!" at least once a week.
and finally - the ultimate reason why he should not marry me:
10) I'd choose our son, his daughter, my cat or a chicken kebab (if hungry) over him any day of the week!
1) I do not wash his dirty clothes if they are not in the hamper...
2) Dinner is only cooked and ready for him when he gets home if I'm bothered (and have time of course)
3) I ridicule him, at home, in public, in front of his family and as often as I can
4) I don't feel bad if the baby and I take up all the space in the bad so he's left to sleep in Kate's room or on the couch
5) I am teaching our son to say 'Papa' so he will call for him at night and not me = more sleep for me!
6) I punch him at night when he snores and kicks him in the morning to get him out of bed
7) I have no problem in shrugging my shoulder when he mentions something that needs doing and replying: "Well, I haven't had the time..."
8) I tell him openly if I have a problem with him, his friend, his family but gets really defensive if he says something less than positive and praising about mine
9) Even though we're not married he hears "I am your wife - I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!" at least once a week.
and finally - the ultimate reason why he should not marry me:
10) I'd choose our son, his daughter, my cat or a chicken kebab (if hungry) over him any day of the week!
torsdag den 26. januar 2012
Baby food....
My mother is proud! Quinten will not eat the storebought baby foods such as fruit and vegetable so I have made all his food myself, ever since he started on fruit. I can see the benefit of making the food myself, I can avoid bananas which gives him constipation and I can make him try different fruits and vegetables such as papaya, mango, string beans, mushrooms (frozen) and so on. And no, I do not make him eat papaya and mushrooms mixed together, that would just be cruel.
Plus I know everything that's in the food, no added sugars and such... now here comes the other side of the story. My fiancé and his family seems to believe that it's better for the baby to get the storebought foods, the argument is that there are more vitamins and minerals in it - my counterargument is: what do you think they make babyfood from? and how do you think they make it last as long as it does? Steve normally doesn't continue the argument due to his final statement: "You're the one feeding him, I cannot control what you do when I'm a work!" Right he is.... and here should be mentioned that our son is happy, healthy and thriving so I guess I'm doing something right.
Plus I know everything that's in the food, no added sugars and such... now here comes the other side of the story. My fiancé and his family seems to believe that it's better for the baby to get the storebought foods, the argument is that there are more vitamins and minerals in it - my counterargument is: what do you think they make babyfood from? and how do you think they make it last as long as it does? Steve normally doesn't continue the argument due to his final statement: "You're the one feeding him, I cannot control what you do when I'm a work!" Right he is.... and here should be mentioned that our son is happy, healthy and thriving so I guess I'm doing something right.
onsdag den 25. januar 2012
Bits and bobs around the house...
We live in a rented apartment and sometimes I wonder why we pay rent, there are a lot of things which should be fixed but the landlord considers it 'minor repairs' and therefore we should do them ourselves. Honestly, the kitchen window is unable to open to one side and the other one is hanging on by dear life. I have a hammer next to it for when it does not want to close and a knife for when it does not want to open.
Out toilet is leaking so we have to open the faucet every time we need to use it, not to mention remembering to close it again which is something I forget constantly much to Steve's annoyance but what does he expects of me, I have a child who seems to believe that once I go out the living room door I am gone and will never come back and I am certainly not going to bring him like my sister in law does.... I need some kind of privacy!
There are no lists keeping the flooring down and the gaps are a perfect place for dust to grow and expand. The connection point where the flooring was too short (which runs through the living room - right in the middle) is coming off the floor because the tape we used to put is down is wearing off and the dust is taking over, it needs some kind of seal and Steve promised to make it..... a looooong time ago.
There are drill holes in the ceiling from when he tried to put up lamps, they 'just' need a bit of filla and I'm too short....
I know I am able and capable to fix most of it, but I also know that men have some strange syndrome called: Pride
Out toilet is leaking so we have to open the faucet every time we need to use it, not to mention remembering to close it again which is something I forget constantly much to Steve's annoyance but what does he expects of me, I have a child who seems to believe that once I go out the living room door I am gone and will never come back and I am certainly not going to bring him like my sister in law does.... I need some kind of privacy!
There are no lists keeping the flooring down and the gaps are a perfect place for dust to grow and expand. The connection point where the flooring was too short (which runs through the living room - right in the middle) is coming off the floor because the tape we used to put is down is wearing off and the dust is taking over, it needs some kind of seal and Steve promised to make it..... a looooong time ago.
There are drill holes in the ceiling from when he tried to put up lamps, they 'just' need a bit of filla and I'm too short....
I know I am able and capable to fix most of it, but I also know that men have some strange syndrome called: Pride
Back to school...
Starting to learn a new language at the age of 29 should be awarded a medal, seriously! Stuck in a class, twice a week for 4 hours with people of all nationalities and personalities takes the starch out of even the most patient person and don't get me wrong, is not referring to myself as patient. I might be a lot of things but patient is not one of them. Elementary school was bad for me, I was a nerd and a bit weird, Boarding school was evil because I was too loud and too hyper and High School was Hell - Simple! So my theory is the older you get the worse school gets maybe because your personality develops and you get to really find out how annoying other people are or your patience diminishes and imbeciles start to get to you.
I cannot believe how grown people, from the age of at least 20 and up, can think that's it's okay to just speak their mind, guess what the answer is as loudly as possible while answering their cell and chatting with the person next to them. I just don't get it. Respect for the teacher? None of that either... and normal etiquette? Out the window.... things like this annoy the hell out of me, I am no angel but I know how to behave and I disturb the class as little as possible ... no, I swear, really!
So maybe I'm not the one with the problem, maybe it's the others.... all of them!
I cannot believe how grown people, from the age of at least 20 and up, can think that's it's okay to just speak their mind, guess what the answer is as loudly as possible while answering their cell and chatting with the person next to them. I just don't get it. Respect for the teacher? None of that either... and normal etiquette? Out the window.... things like this annoy the hell out of me, I am no angel but I know how to behave and I disturb the class as little as possible ... no, I swear, really!
So maybe I'm not the one with the problem, maybe it's the others.... all of them!
mandag den 23. januar 2012
About sleep and teeth and the couch
For the last couple of days Quinten have not slept well, he's got a bit of a blocked nose, teeth on the way (I think) and a bit of a flue so he's not feeling so well and cannot breathe properly. For the last two nights Steve has fallen asleep on the couch and only woken up at I had to go to the kitchen to make the little one a bottle and then decided to stay up since it was around 5 anyway. But last night I was up at 3 already to feed him and as Steve woke up he went to bed seeing that it was just too early to stay up. After the little one was fed I put him in the couch for a bit to make sure he was sleeping firmly before moving him into the bedroom but still he woke up quite a few times after being put in his own bed and apparently Steve woke up, maybe because I was cussing and throwing the covers to the side, quite annoyed with being woken up yet again again but also knowing that the little one does not do it to annoy me but because he's not feeling well.
The conversation this morning was:
Steve: "Aren't you tired?"
Me: "Not more than usual!"
Steve: "But he woke you up quite a few times!"
Me: "Not more than usual!"
He then looked at me strangely, looked about to say something before he changed his mind and went into the bathroom.
I think it was about time that he understood that when I say I'm tired because the little one woke up constantly I actually mean it.
The conversation this morning was:
Steve: "Aren't you tired?"
Me: "Not more than usual!"
Steve: "But he woke you up quite a few times!"
Me: "Not more than usual!"
He then looked at me strangely, looked about to say something before he changed his mind and went into the bathroom.
I think it was about time that he understood that when I say I'm tired because the little one woke up constantly I actually mean it.
The devil child...
I swear, sometimes I doubt Quinten is my son and not the spawn of the devil, how anyone can get so red-faced and so hysterical over what appears to be nothing. And how I just love the advice: "Just let him cry!" That's just too easy for family/friends/pediatrician to say. I can honestly say he does not stop by himself, I have let him cry for hours (yes, I am evil) and unless I can guess/find out or magically conjure just the thing he wants/needs it does not stop.
As he is growing, now over 8 months, and we're starting to tell him 'no' to thing (e.g. pulling the curtains, putting his pacifier into the radiator, reaching for remotes/coffee filled mugs/anything dangling and fragile) he either starts with the crocodile tears or he gives a big smile and continues, but only with me. When papa says no to him, he quickly pulls his hand back and starts scratching his ear. Tone of authority? Respect? I don't know but it sure it annoying considering the fact that I am the one home with the boy all day, feeding him, changing diapers/clothes and so on. Being a mother is indeed an ungrateful job and not just because of the workload, also the lack of respect and appreciation (from the child :P) But I do love him, of course I do but sometimes it's a bit harder to say out loud than other times.
And sometimes I just laugh a bit too hard when reading http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/ I completely understand and have to agree with her in the message between the lines, we're not always happy, cheerful and smiling - there are crap days too.
As he is growing, now over 8 months, and we're starting to tell him 'no' to thing (e.g. pulling the curtains, putting his pacifier into the radiator, reaching for remotes/coffee filled mugs/anything dangling and fragile) he either starts with the crocodile tears or he gives a big smile and continues, but only with me. When papa says no to him, he quickly pulls his hand back and starts scratching his ear. Tone of authority? Respect? I don't know but it sure it annoying considering the fact that I am the one home with the boy all day, feeding him, changing diapers/clothes and so on. Being a mother is indeed an ungrateful job and not just because of the workload, also the lack of respect and appreciation (from the child :P) But I do love him, of course I do but sometimes it's a bit harder to say out loud than other times.
And sometimes I just laugh a bit too hard when reading http://1000reasonsimabadmom.com/ I completely understand and have to agree with her in the message between the lines, we're not always happy, cheerful and smiling - there are crap days too.
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